psycho mutti

ok so i'm finally deciding to use this thing because i'm pretty sure its the only online journal thing that absolutely none of my friends know about so i can say whatever the hell i want without worrying. score. anyway i really just have to address the issue of my mom and how psycho she is. ok i understand that finding out your kid is gay can be a bit overwhelming, but see she doesn't even know for sure becuase i've never actually confirmend her suspicions. She loves to spy on me and my brother because apparently she doesn't trust us and well while i am at school one day she gets on my computer and checks the history where she finds a list of lesbian related sites mainly focusing on the l word. ok so right away because i look at sites about the l word she has labeled me gay. you know ok so i had a list of the sites in my favorites because there were way too many for me to remember and one day you know i come home and they are gone from the favorites list. thats was the first obvious sign that someone had been on my computer. well of course whatever i didnt care i was mad but i just went and readded all of the sites. ok you know what i'm just going to skip ahead and start listing the random things she like so to come into my room and say to me because she thinks i'm making a bad choice.

things shes said:
it's a lonely life to live
i'm belitteling myself by choosing to be like this
if i do choose this lifestyle i better not have kids
i have so much to offer and i'm limiting myself
she continues to tell me that i need to get a boyfriend... don't think so


no!!! damn this so ok i am in the middle of skipping first period because i hate spanish class, but go figure all year whenever i decide to skip class, the spanish teacher skips too. gosh my friend just called and of course guess who isn't at school... sr. conde. fuck this i always miss out on the free days at school. i think i might just pick up and go. hell there's nine days left i want to enjoy all the free time i can especially since i am skipping tomorrow. it's good friday and see even though i don't do that religious stuff i'm skipping and calling it my personal good friday because well I don't have to go to school. alright alright i am so... eh not going to school because i really can't stand the sub that is there. I'll go for second for the food party and that wonderful suicide video they are going to show.

hmm back to the mom talk. so ok her and i have no relationship... her choice not mine. and now randomly for the past like three years shes been trying to make one but see i don't want that. i know this is terrible but i can't stand her. well i can but not at this point. she's constantly coming in my room and checking what i am doing on the computer, shes constantly coming in my room to try and "talk" to me so she can slip in all her anti-gay comments. she thinks that the only reason i'm thinking like this is because i have been watching the l word but what she doesn't know is well i've been like this for quite a long time. sure sometimes i see guys and i say they are cute because i love their hair but beyond that i see nothing. but yes i've always been into the girls. so anyway her whole what you watch really influences you shit doesn't play in this situaton. i mean yea i agree that what people watch does have a strong influence in their lives but see i've already been like this before the l word, before i started frequenting the web sites so shes wrong. i just hate how she loves to take any opportunity to slip in those random comments. shes constantly saying how shes only trying to help me but whatever the more she makes the stupid remarks the stronger my dislike is growing. and ok normally i just let what she says go in one ear and out the other, but see the last time she came in all those stupid things she said actually got to me and made me cry. perhaps i was just tired. i just can not wait until i get my ass out of this house for college. i have nine days left of school, a little over a month until graduation, and like five months until college. hopefully i can find a place before then so i can get out sooner. i'm going crazy in this house. she keeps saying i need to rejoin the "family" that doesnt really exist and that we should start going to church. dude she even gave me like computer restrictions. she's all you have to be off by 11:30 on week nights and 12:30 on weekends. wtf? i dont even start hw until 11 and i don't sleep until around 2-2:30.

gosh ok i can't really remember anymore of her dumb shit right now but i am really getting fed up with it. alright well time to i guess get ready for tok and our little party. oh and i have to finish listening to mashley. what a great way to spend my morning, not going to spanish and getting to listen to mashley.