Reinventing Your Exit

Does anyone know where the summer went? I've had four months off from school to enjoy myself and all of sudden that times up. This time next week I'll be pacing my dorm worried about class the next day. Gosh I'm moving. By Thursday I should be all moved into my dorm and I'm not ready for this. I'm wicked nervous already. I mean I'm all for moving out of my house, but I'm moving in with someone I don't know. Seriously I didn't find out who I'm living with earlier so now I have to basically just meet this kid when I walk into the room. I have to live with a stranger. That means I'll have to change my lifestyle. I'll actually have to live in a room where the lights go on and watch her listen to country music or something that drives me crazy. I really am expecting the worst possible person ever because that's just my luck. I don't have any luck. I don't want to leave my big comfy bed for that dirty little bed. Oh great dorms are so dirty. I don't handle dirty things too well. You better believe I'm loading up on purel and all different kinds of sanitation products to clean with.

oh gosh and a week from tomorrow I have to go to school. SCHOOL. I don't like that word. I'm not exactly the school type. Sure I did IB and so that basically labels me as a smart school kid and all but no. I was clumped in the slacker group. I was queen of sleeping through school. I mean I slept four out of six classes and I even slept at lunch. I was the kid starting my homework at one or two in the morning. I was that kid walking down the hall to English trying to finish my essay as I walked. How the hell am I supposed to deal with this college trash? I can't sleep through all my classes there or do assignments as I'm walking to class. Oh gosh and I'm taking an oral communications course. Do you know what that means? I have to talk out loud in front of a class. I'm sick just thinking of having to do that. I'll never sleep or eat because I'm always going to be nervous about that damn class. I'm the most nervous kid ever. As soon as someone mentions the words public speaking to me my face loses it's color, I feel sick, and my hands shake out of control. I would love to use this class to get over that fear but it seems impossible.

I already don't like the idea of college. As much as I would love to go in there with that positive attitude and be that social butterfly I can't. I'm a loner. I'm the kid that just floats through going unnoticed and I like that. But hey it's college. It's that new start to try something different so who knows. I'm just wicked nervous about the whole thing right now. Then again I'm always nervous when I start school. I'll see how it goes. I always thought that college was going to be my chance to just be out and not care but I can't. Not at this school not where there are just a few certain people that I can't risk knowing. Do you know how much I would love to be out? I'm letting one family get in the way. A family that I care more about than my own. See I should have gone to school far far away and started over and not cared at all. Goodness gracious great balls of fire. I'll figure something out. And all apologies go out to any of you that read this. I just had to throw all that crap out there because I've been sick thinking about going to school all weekend.