all we know

well it happened. my friend has been mentioning how she needs to talk to me for a while now and it just never happened. but umm tonight she said she needed to talk to me and it had to be on the phone. so she calls and she's all you have to be honest and whatever is said can't leave this conversation. i honestly knew where she was going with this and i had tried to avoid it but it happened. at first she started talking about this guy dennis that she likes and that i hang out with all the time and she claims that i was like in love with him. not really him and i are just on the same page and everyone needs guy friends and he's just mine. he's awesome. so she tells me her story about him and then she gets to me. it takes her a while and she kept saying how i knew what she was going to ask and i did but i kept saying i didn't because you can never be sure. randomly after forever of silence shes asks if i am strictly dickly. i want to tell people that i'm gay but i'm not ready so i lied. i didn't say it with a lot of meaning behind it and she knew it though because she called me a liar. she went on to tell me that she's still my friend and i can talk to her if i need to and that whenever i'm ready to tell her i should. i know that but i just don't know when i'll be ready. she made some other comments too and i basically answered ok and stopped saying no and so basically she assumes and has in some ways confirmed her assumption that i am gay. i really wanted to ask her how she knew or what led her to think that but then that would be admitting it to her and i like i said i'm still not ready for that. it's hasn't been that long since i admitted it to myself and i don't want to go around telling people that about me. let me finish what i have to do here and give myself a fresh start with college. all in all though she asked i denied she knew it was a lie and there we stand. she said her peace and i said nothing but it's good to know that that's how she feels. but then i got confused some because she got mad at me for hanging out with dennis all the time and the fact that he texts me at two in the morning is messed up. she is jealous. but yea she was making a big deal about it and so i said something along the lines of there's nothing between us how could there be it wouldn't work and she's like oh yea you're right. so yep she basically knows and she'll confirm it with our other friend and so yep that's two people down in a sense.

on to the next thing. i went with dennis out to eat and then to see art school confidential. it was different and kate was only in it for like two minutes but that was all i needed. she had like a mullet type thing and i wasn't fond of that but whatever. there were three girls behind us and earlier in the movie when a comment was made they laughed and i immediately knew they were gay. then kate came on and they made comments and one even whistled. assumption confirmed. it was great though to see kate on that huge screen. she played a gay artist, not that it was a big thing but she did sort of quickly kiss the main lady. yep it was great other than this hideous naked art model man that they showed. i got all excited when she came on and so hey maybe that leads dennis to some assumptions about me. i don't know it was great.