Such Great Heights

Well today is the last day of school. I'll cry even though there are a lot of reasons for me not to. I just suck at goodbyes no what the circumstances. I know I'm going to see all these kids again for every test but it's not the same i guess.

I'll be a little MIA for a couple days. Right after school I have to run to the airport to head off to Boston with my brother for my uncle's wedding. I hope it'll be fun.

Alright time to leave so I can remotely close to being on time. have a great weekend

So Jealous

i suppose i should keep this little ritual going and so my however many days left of school post so here it is...

ONE MORE DAY!! ok i'm not actually excited about it right now. i keep thinking about college and how my parents are totally screwing me over and don't seem to care. so leaving high school means i'm one step closer to wasting a year of my life.

anyway senior breakfast is tomorrow. that means five hours of doing what I really don't know but if i have to listen to that moron of a principal talk for too long i might have to walk out. at least i get to go to universal afterwards with some friends. that means good times. i'm so going straight to jaws looking for a family with small children to get in line behind and then once on board let the fun begin. i get way too much joy out of seeing little kids cry.

parents are leaving tomorrow so my brother and i get the house to ourselves for a night. nothing too exciting there other than well no mom to annoy the crap out of me. then friday its finish high school and off to boston, the greatest place in the world. it's only for two days but it should be fun. my uncle is finally getting married... that is if he doesn't pull a shane. all i have to say though is i better get a decent slice of pizza while i am up there. i can't go up and not get real pizza before coming back here to where pizza doesnt really exist. it's imitation garbage. boston has such great food. it sucks that i only have two days to consume as much as possible. that means chinese food, pizza, popcorn bars, and cream horns and oh so much more. ok i have to stop i'm getting hungry.

Blood Red Summer

in response to slo's wonderful beach picture, this is the down side. although the beach might look appealing from afar or in pictures, once experiencing it first hand you'll know it's not all it's cracked out to be. the beach is a dangerous place. there's sharks, crabs and sting rays in the water, nasty sea gulls everywhere, and the oh so annoying cancer rays which can cause sun burn. refer to picture above. now i'm not going to knock the beach completely because once the burns subsided i had a most awesome tan. i no longer looked like casper and didn't blend with my white shirts. other than the tan and spending time with my friends i have trouble supporting why the beach is so great. maybe i just haven't found the right beach?

Slowdance on the Inside

TWO MORE DAYS!!

Definitely had the new Taking Back Sunday in hand by 2:24pm winning my bet with Dennis. I've listened to it once through. It's ok. Still doesn't compare to their first cd.

i really need gas in my car. that little light came on today finally. i'm debating whether i should attempt to make it to and from school tomorrow or if i should not risk it and just get gas tonight. i think i am just hoping that gas prices will magically go down by tomorrow.

oh oh i have to mention how awesome minnie is because she posts kate pictures so frequently and forcing me to stay at her page just staring at them.

ugh its tuesday. teachers is on... i hate that show but i can't resist watching it. it's just so bad though.

Make Damn Sure

why do i keep receiving stupid random calls from the navy and army and all that other crap? they keep asking me to come sit down so they can talk to me about it or basically so they can try and sucker me into joining. please... do they think i am that stupid to up and join something like that? yea right. it is kind of fun shutting them down when they call though.

three more days left of school. the excitment is kind of wearing already. one i'll miss my friends and two i am never going to get sleep. i get like three to four hours at home and then about three at school so its an ok amount. without those three in school i am going to die. i've got to find a way to get sleep.

hmm perhaps i might go try and study for the rest of my bio test tomorrow. took the first part today, multiple choice, and i was 100% sure of one out of forty questions. i recognized everything but the fact that i didn't study and pretty much slept through all three years of bio has me pretty screwed. i'll see if i can stay focused and learn something tonight. tomorrow it's all writing and it's really hard to bs biology crap when you just have no clue.

i hope everyone is having a fantastic day. and might i announce it is now officially summer in florida. kill me now...

There's No I In Team

My personal record of five hours to do an English packet was beat today when it took me only three hours and 18 minutes to complete today's packet. I'm awfully excited. I might actually be able to go out today... That is if I get gas for my car.

well I had a good weekend for a change. Friday I spent hanging with the little kids down the street and we sat outside making things out of mulch and our hot glue gun. I made this really awesome boat thing. Then I proceeded to go to a party that night for an old friend. It was a little boring at first because even though I go to school with all those kids I don't talk to them. But yea then my Asian crew came and it was great. I own at spades. There isn't a single person that can beat me. I don't care what partner I have to work with we just always win. foosball is another story. hahaha I totally suck at that and made a fool of myself playing but it was still awesome. Yea so I had a great time and honestly for like the first time fit in with everyone. It definitely felt good. See what happens when you ditch really crappy friends... You make really good friends and start to actually enjoy yourself.

I told my friend about all of it and she came out saying how I have completely changed but that it's a good thing. I guess it's a good thing because I'm enjoying life again.

um yea so today is homework day. But it looks like I'm done so now I am at a loss. What do I do? I'm itching to go to the mall but it's getting way too stupid.

LAST WEEK OF HIGH SCHOOL!!! Four days left. I'm excited.

It's also a week of present buying for myself. New shoes, new Taking Back Sunday CD, and books for the plane ride. Wow I can't wait.

Stop the fucking car

so that lecture i thought i had avoided last night came today and sucked big time. for the past fifteen minutes she ran her mouth about how i don't appreciate my parents and that i need to become part of the family again. this is all a ploy to get me off of the computer so i'll stop going to in her words "those kinds of sites." she seems to think that i don't appreciate them and i'm mean to them because i'm confused about my life and the direction it is going. she was saying how she doesn't know where my life is headed and she's sorry i'm where i'm at, but if i am confused i need to stop "looking at what i look at" because i'll never be able to escape. then she comes out and asks if i am confused or if i know for sure or what. i tried to change the subject but she kept turning it back around. she goes off telling me how lonely i'm going to be, how i am going to have to sacrifice, and so much other crap. she also brought up how she made the choice to have kids and raise them and that if i chose to be gay that i was basically not allowed to have kids. she continues on to say how she loves me but doesnt support this kind of lifestyle and all this other crap. i just sat there the entire time looking at my friends myspaces trying desperately to ignore her. i don't know what her deal is lately. she says how i am selfish, don't appreciate my parents, and have to become a part of the family again, but how can she expect me to do that when she says the things that she does and when the "family" she talks about doesn't exist. i can't take her stupid lectures and remarks trying to make me out to be such a terrible person. i'm sorry if i'm not super nice to her but how the hell can i do that when she says those kinds of things to me and when i feel like her and my dad chose my brother over me? for years i was left home while they all went off to baseball games and crap which is why i have become so independent. my mom never established any type of relationship and well i never wanted one with my dad. i don't even know what to say. i really try not to let what she says get to me but i can't help it sometimes. i really can't wait to get away to college and be at a place where i can support myself because at this point i just want to break all ties. and you know i don't hate my parents i really don't despite what i may say but i just really can't stand anything they go.

whatever she said so much crap in that short fifteen minutes i can't even remember it all. as soon as she left damn it i started crying and i have no idea why. normally i wouldn't but fuck it i did. five more months... five more months...

cute without the e

5 more days of school! one more day this week!

day three of avoiding my dad total success. i only had to sit outside my front door for three hours waiting for my mom and brother to come home so i could go in. thank god i had my computer with me.

wore my hair down to school for the first time this year. got way too much attention for it but the compliments were nice. everyone wanted my picture and they were claiming it was a once in a life time opportunity. yea in the four years in high school i think i've worn my hair down maybe a dozen times if that. i hate hair.

my mom walked in when i was looking at minnie's pics of shane on her blog. i couldn't click out fast enough... i'll get a lecture in about 45 minutes about why i shouldn't choose to be gay. can't wait for what she comes up with this time.


that's one of my favorite sites. i want to start sending in my secrets.

fuck college... i might have to commute meaning living at home meaning i'm going to go nuts and eventually en up in some psychoward. i have a 50/50 chance of getting housing and i have the worst luck ever... hello room looks like i won't be saying goodbye after all :(

oh and fuck all the stupid people out there who make our lives harder.

I've Been Dying to Reach You

To start things off:
sloganx is definately the greatest person ever. i'm sure everyone knows why.

day two of avoiding my dad was a success. i now live at the library.

at the toast last night my favorite memory was "skipping first period to go to perkins with jihae" and apparently when it was announced the principal and IB coordinator showed thier angry faces... probably a good thing i didn't go

today was senior prank day. i wasn't involved. i wouldn't exactly consider stacking desks into a pyramid and streaming toilet paper around the classrooms a prank either. makes me glad i wasn't involved. it was done last year and such a major waste of toilet paper. these kids used the good stuff.

six days of high school left. that's kind of exciting.

tomorrow is wear your copeland shirt day. showing my favorite band some love.

definately hate my new hair cut. my hair and layers do not mix.

I am officially signed up to be a chauffeur for the month of june. yep i get to drive the neighbors kids to and from summer school and camp everyday.

Sic Transit Gloria

well i got caught. go fucking figure. good things never last. i make it through almost the entire year without my dad finding out about the whole skipping thing... that is until today. did the shopping thing, went to school after third period, finished the day out and then headed to the mall for more shopping because i didn't find anything earlier. i then proceeded to spend my day out and told my brother he had to wait at home to get the call from the school otherwise i was sharing with my parents that he is again looking at porn. he wasn't home so i just told him to answer it when he got home. yea well on my way home i get a call from my mom...
mom: "were you at school today?"
me: "yes"
mom: "are you sure?"
me: "yes. well i was in guidance for the first half but yea i was there"
mom: "so when your father calls tomorrow and asks they'll say you were in guidance?"
me: *silence*... "umm no i went shopping with some friends to get an outfit for tonight because i was thinking about going to that IB thing. everyone was telling me to go. why... the school called?"
mom: "um yea and your father answered it. He's pissed and he said to come home right away."
me: "well... what should i do? what do you think he's going to say? should I come home? is he really really mad? is he yelling? tell him i'm stuck in traffic. do something."

in case you don't know my dad is also psycho but in that angry man i'm gonna kill you psycho. i mean if there is one thing I am scared of it's him. he was borderline physically abusive when i was younger and he has been verbally abusive since well forever. he yells about everything and his yell scares the crap out of me. so yea i was pretty much in the car on the verge of tears asking my mom what i should say to him or what i could do. we decided that i would come home when her and my brother were leaving so i could park my car and escape into their car.

only good that came out of all this was i got a dress for the wedding in a couple of weeks and i got a well needed hair cut. bad part... i now have to avoid my house every day for the rest of well as long as i think it will take for him to cool off. i'm pretty sure the library is going to become my new home. thank god he works nights so he sleeps most of the time. there is about a four hour window where he is awake from the time i get out of school so that's not too bad. i totally missed my IB thing which isn't too bad because i did save myself some gas. i'll get crap from everyone tomorrow about not going but whatever there was no way i could make it.

so in this posts conclusion... if i for some reason disappear for a while i've either been banished to my room without my computer or killed. hopefully i can avoid him long enough until he cools down. i'm so scared at this point and not looking forward to what he has to say.


college update:
sadly... i am officially staying in florida for college for this year and please don't mention boston around me for some time because i get upset every time i think about it. i'm such a baby.

Midnight Highway

i've come to the conclusions that:
i am totally in love with Elka's laugh. i could listen to her laugh all day.

in conversations when i hear someone say a word or phrase a character from the l word has said i totally run through how the character says it. like different carmen lines, i go over the way she says certian words when i hear other people say the same words. i hope that made sense. but yes i do it all the time.

i most likely won't be going to college in boston so i'll be stuck rotting away in come crappy UCF dorm. i was threatened to have my car sold if i go up north.

i completely forgot i have my IB banquet tomorrow so i get to... i mean have to skip school to go get an outfit. then i have to find an excuse as to why i am going out for the night because i told my mom i wasn't going so i could avoid having to go with her and sit in the car for an hour.

family holidays suck. i'd much rather sleep. yea my easter sucked.

i love everyone on here because you all give me reasons to laugh.

Don't Hesitate to Hate

my day went nothing as planned. totally slept through the volunteer thing. my friend called and wanted to go to the mall with me so she could get an outfit. she was nervous about going to some party with this guy tonight. she was more looking for support for the night's events. she even said I'm more of a big sister than her big sister. after the mall we went back to her house, dyed some easter eggs with neighborhood kids, bummed around, and then i made up some excuse to go to the other mall to see if the journey's girl was working but nope she wasn't. it's so hit or miss with her and nine times out of ten i miss. went back to my friends house after unsuccessfully finding those cute little pillsbury cookies with the little easter bunny in the center that you slice and bake. bummed around their house some more, came home and then went out to eat with everyone after prom. apparently the music sucked because disney through in random disney theme songs. yea prom was at one of thier hotels and mickey and mini showed up. but yes the music was random and the general concensus was that last years prom was better which i didn't attend either. i showed up to eat in comfy pj's that i borrowed while at my friends so there was a huge contrast between all these prom kids and then myself the bum. but hey it just played with the whole I always sleep bit because that's all i do in school. i get more sleep in school than i do at home. rather pathetic. overall even though none of my plans worked out it was still a decent day.

now for my current issue at hand. i've decided i need some serious help. hell i even sat around in the self-helo section of the book store looking for a book for this. ok well i seriously am a pathological liar. not to friends or anyone like that but to my parents. i honestly can't remember a time when i didn't lie. My mom knows I lie and she said to me something about how i lie just to lie and it's true. most of the time i lie to avoid confrontation or getting in trouble, but sometimes it's really hard to keep them all straight. I mean i have webbed together some serious stories that have played out slowly over a few weeks time. it's ridiculous. even when i do try and tell the truth i can never fully say it. i always leave key details out. most of the times it's because i lack in the friends department so i have to go out alone like to movies, mall, universal etc. my mom doesn't exactly want me going out alone so I am constantly giving out names of random kids from school and using them as alabies. every sunday i tell my mom i am going to the library to study and in all honesty i haven't been to the library to study since december. i have some IB banquet tomorrow night and i told my mom i wasn't going so she wouldn't go and i could avoid and hour long car ride alone with her, but i actually am going to i have to make up something about where i am going to be that would fit with the time i will be out. i also have to find or buy an outfit before without her finding out. i know it's wrong to lie but i honestly can't avoid it. there is no way around lying because if i do tell the truth it's either going to get me in some type of trouble, prevent me from going out, or force me into somehow having to spend time alone with my mother and either listen to her complain about work, me not appreciating her, or how i "think" i am gay. so basically i am maybe sort of going to work on being more truthful... or maybe i just wanted to admit i have a problem. i feel bad about it but honestly at this point i don't care. in some sad pathetic way i almost want to admit that i like lying to her and not really having her know what's going on. it's my life and yep she doesn't need to know about what goes on. i am like the worst child ever... i'm so going to hell.

Act Appalled

tourists can't drive!! gosh i went to universal twice today and each time i had issues on the high way because tourists see a sign for their destination and immediately think they have to change lanes. hell one guy came to like a complete stop and i almost rear ended him. oh well at least i got a new pass today so now when i go to the entrance i won't have to wait twenty minutes for them to try and make my pass work. its always an embarassment. i didn't get to ride jaws but hey i did do the mummy and saw a little kid almost cry so that made my day. oh saw scary movie 4... um yea i think it speaks for itself. i laughed a few times... somewhat forceful laughs, but hey at least i got to hang with my friend. none of my friends are into decent movies so i get stuck seeing the big feature films of the weekend. I wanted to see that thank you for smoking. it looks kind of funny. i suppose that will be added to my list of movies i have to see solo. but yes so today further proves tourists totally suck making orlando kind of totally suck.

It's officially concert season so with that said...
Concert Update time:
April 24th- Anerblin @ House of Blues (not going)
May 2nd- Say Anything @ The Social (not going)
May 12th and 13th- Cornerstone Festival (must go... me miss copeland? i dont think so. oh and miss paramore too after they stood me up last time. not happening)
May 21st- Daphne Loves Derby @ Will's Pub (must go. i'm a sucker for anything they play acoustic)
May 26th- Cartel @ The Social (going... the singer was sick last time so i guess this would be like an official first true cartel experience)
June 23rd- Panic at the Disco @ House of Blues (yea... don't think so)
June 25th- Warped Tour... too many bands (no way i am ruining my three year streak. plus it's paramore again!!)
June 29th- Brand New *sold out* (yea doesnt matter because I'll be in Boston. but umm the tickets i have may look nice on ebay pretty soon)


Tomorrow's plan of action:
1. marshmallow drop 8-2
2. grandmother's grave... if i can get myself to actually get out of the car this time. six years later and i still can't get myself to actually make it over to the tombstone.
3. mall... maybe this time i'll actually buy something or again just sit near journeys and try to get the pants to go in and talk to that girl.
4. avoid going home for as long as possible

tomorrow is prom. i'm not going. will i regret it? i personally don't think so but everyone else thinks i will. either way my friend made a good point the other day. she said if i go and don't enjoy myself that will have been an expensive regret but if i don't go and regret it later on at least it will have been a free regret. obviously there's the chance that i could have had fun, but one i dont dance, two all the play is rap and spanish music which no offense to anyone but i can't stand, and three i don't really associate with too many kids from school. I'd be the party pooper sitting at the table all night probably sleeping since that's what i'm known best for at school. but see i can also go out with the other kids that aren't going to prom and probably have more fun with them than if i actually went to prom. whatever. i was never into the support my high school or participate in any high school activities so i guess i am just sticking true to character.

simple, starving to be safe

I want to go home already. I miss Boston way too much. Having the opportunity to go there for college and possibly having to pass on it is killing me. Sure life would be easier staying here, but should I take the easy way out? I haven't thus far so why start now? I look back through all of my pictures taken from various Boston trips and it kills me. I remember this winter when I went back and there wasn't a day that went by where I didn't over hear a group of people discussing their desire to want to go to Florida or having been there or planning to go there soon. All I could think about was how crazy those people were because all Florida has to offer is extreme heat, tons of tourists and major traffic headaches. There is nothing appaeling about Floirda. Sure the attractions are fun to go to but I'd much rather spend my time walking around a big city talking in everything it has to offer. I must admit that I do love going to Universal and riding the rides, especially Jaws because I look out for the families with the young kids so I can watch them cry, but other than Universal there is nothing that great here. Disney is ok but ugh major tourist attraction and despite the amount of times I have been there I can never seem to find my way around Disney property. There are signs everywhere but I always get lost. I was just so disappointed to here how badly everyone would choose to be in Florida over Boston. I understand we all get tired of where we live, especially me, but hello Boston over Florida? I don't think people really understand how hot it is here. I personally hate wearing shorts, I love layering my clothes, and well that just isn't appropriate dress attire for the weather here. I just hate it. I know this is the most random rant ever but it made me sad going through all of my pictures and then thinking about this whole having to choose a college issue. I just am totally in love with Boston and hating Orlando. Damn the fact that college is so expensive and my parents aren't willing to let me take out tons of money in student loans. I am going to fall behind if I stay here and then transfer out to NEU next year. Ok maybe not wicked far behind but I want to get started on all my criminal justice courses now and then really take advantage of co-op during sophmore year. If I skip out on NEU this year would I even be able to do co-op next year? See there is so much crap to look into and I am really running out of time.

ok now enough about that stuff... I really want to address how pathetic of a person I am. So yes today is good friday and normally I wouldn't think anything of it, but apparently everyone at school is using it as an excuse to skip school. I skipped school today but not using that as my excuse. I just skipped to hang out with all those other kids and to not have to go to spanish class. Well apparently everyone else is still at home sleeping and I am sitting here at the library typing in this random blog because I can't be at home because my dad is probably home now and I'm not supposed to be skipping. I seriously got up read some fan fics, got scared that my dad was coming home, went to Target for an hour and now I sit in the local library with all of these other random people. I don't think it gets more pathetic than that. Oh wait it totally does. I got here at 9:30 and the library doesn't open until 10 so I sat out in the parking lot with my bottle of windex and paper towels cleaning my car windows inside and out. So now I have clean windows and a pollen covered car. So sad. Hopefully I get a few calls soon so I have some options as to what I am going to do today. If not I think I will maybe waste gas and head out to the mall where I will again see if that one girl is there and then maybe try and muster up some kind of courage and go into the store and say something. Maybe I'll actually buy a pair of shoes to see if that will start a conversation or something. I just know I can't keep going there to see her and then not going into the store and actually talking to her. It's so ridiculous. This whole just staring at each other has got to end. But yep so hopefully I figure out something to do today. At least I know I have movie plans for tonight. That should be exciting. Tomorrow is the Marshmallow Drop followed by visiting my grandmother's grave and then off to the mall if I don't go today. Then Sunday I guess will consist of me washing my car and then lying about going to the library again so I can go back out to the mall and play stalker. I seriously must rank top ten pathetic people in the US list. Oh yes and in between all of this I will be glued to my computer reading fan fics and relistening to the latest podcast enstallments. oh the joys of being me.

oh and let me profess my undying love for copeland because they are just the greatest band ever.

hats= lesbian?

More mom issues at hand. She's still caught up on this gay thing and she really just won't let it drop. Something she continually brings up because she thinks it has to be with me being gay is my hat. I wear my hat all the time, in the car, my room, the store, basically anywhere other than while I'm sleeping or in the shower. Now my mom never used to say anything about the hat until she got the idea that I'm gay. Now all she ever says when she sees me with the hat on is "you should take that hat off. you look much better without it." I really don't see what the big deal is. I always go through hat phases where i find a particular hat I love and then wear it for a long period of time until I get tired of it and take a break. Eventually i find another hat I like and the cycle starts over again but she has never complained before. She's so stupid. There is no need for her to make a comment about it everyday. Ok I hear her, I get her point, but she obviously doesn't get mine because I am not taking it off. The few times that i do take it off aren't for her. I just feel like taking it off. She always comments though saying things like "oh you finally have that stupid hat off." It doesn't mean anything when I take it off. I just am getting really frsutrated when she continually makes those stupid remarks about my hat. anyway the whole hat thing got me thinking if maybe it tends to be a trend with some lesbians. I dont know i really never noticed anything. oh well it was just a random thought.

psycho mutti

ok so i'm finally deciding to use this thing because i'm pretty sure its the only online journal thing that absolutely none of my friends know about so i can say whatever the hell i want without worrying. score. anyway i really just have to address the issue of my mom and how psycho she is. ok i understand that finding out your kid is gay can be a bit overwhelming, but see she doesn't even know for sure becuase i've never actually confirmend her suspicions. She loves to spy on me and my brother because apparently she doesn't trust us and well while i am at school one day she gets on my computer and checks the history where she finds a list of lesbian related sites mainly focusing on the l word. ok so right away because i look at sites about the l word she has labeled me gay. you know ok so i had a list of the sites in my favorites because there were way too many for me to remember and one day you know i come home and they are gone from the favorites list. thats was the first obvious sign that someone had been on my computer. well of course whatever i didnt care i was mad but i just went and readded all of the sites. ok you know what i'm just going to skip ahead and start listing the random things she like so to come into my room and say to me because she thinks i'm making a bad choice.

things shes said:
it's a lonely life to live
i'm belitteling myself by choosing to be like this
if i do choose this lifestyle i better not have kids
i have so much to offer and i'm limiting myself
she continues to tell me that i need to get a boyfriend... don't think so


no!!! damn this so ok i am in the middle of skipping first period because i hate spanish class, but go figure all year whenever i decide to skip class, the spanish teacher skips too. gosh my friend just called and of course guess who isn't at school... sr. conde. fuck this i always miss out on the free days at school. i think i might just pick up and go. hell there's nine days left i want to enjoy all the free time i can especially since i am skipping tomorrow. it's good friday and see even though i don't do that religious stuff i'm skipping and calling it my personal good friday because well I don't have to go to school. alright alright i am so... eh not going to school because i really can't stand the sub that is there. I'll go for second for the food party and that wonderful suicide video they are going to show.

hmm back to the mom talk. so ok her and i have no relationship... her choice not mine. and now randomly for the past like three years shes been trying to make one but see i don't want that. i know this is terrible but i can't stand her. well i can but not at this point. she's constantly coming in my room and checking what i am doing on the computer, shes constantly coming in my room to try and "talk" to me so she can slip in all her anti-gay comments. she thinks that the only reason i'm thinking like this is because i have been watching the l word but what she doesn't know is well i've been like this for quite a long time. sure sometimes i see guys and i say they are cute because i love their hair but beyond that i see nothing. but yes i've always been into the girls. so anyway her whole what you watch really influences you shit doesn't play in this situaton. i mean yea i agree that what people watch does have a strong influence in their lives but see i've already been like this before the l word, before i started frequenting the web sites so shes wrong. i just hate how she loves to take any opportunity to slip in those random comments. shes constantly saying how shes only trying to help me but whatever the more she makes the stupid remarks the stronger my dislike is growing. and ok normally i just let what she says go in one ear and out the other, but see the last time she came in all those stupid things she said actually got to me and made me cry. perhaps i was just tired. i just can not wait until i get my ass out of this house for college. i have nine days left of school, a little over a month until graduation, and like five months until college. hopefully i can find a place before then so i can get out sooner. i'm going crazy in this house. she keeps saying i need to rejoin the "family" that doesnt really exist and that we should start going to church. dude she even gave me like computer restrictions. she's all you have to be off by 11:30 on week nights and 12:30 on weekends. wtf? i dont even start hw until 11 and i don't sleep until around 2-2:30.

gosh ok i can't really remember anymore of her dumb shit right now but i am really getting fed up with it. alright well time to i guess get ready for tok and our little party. oh and i have to finish listening to mashley. what a great way to spend my morning, not going to spanish and getting to listen to mashley.